Reminiscent of Lot and His Wife
Tuesday I was experiencing my energy getting low; eventually it got to the point of minor depression. No matter if I label it minor or whatever, depression is depression; and it is neither good nor acceptable. I had allowed myself to slip back into thinking about lack; the lack of financial resources due to the fact that I was off of work over injuring my knee and not being able to work for four weeks. Since I am self employed, and had to move twice in a six month period of time recently, and unable to work for four weeks resulted in me getting a little behind financially and I allowed stress to set in, that was not good at all.
Let me explain what happened. Tuesday after finishing up work for the second day in four weeks, as I was driving home depression knocked on the door of my mind, wanting to pay me a visit. My big mistake began to happen as soon as I entertained that negative thought that knocked on the door. Even though I know better, I stepped into that big pile of mess with both feet. Let me explain to you what I believe happens when I give audience to the negativity of the past. When I choose to revisit the past and think about how things used to be, I invite all of the energy from the past to pay me a visit. You see, the subconscious mind does not differentiate between past energy and current energy; it sees our thoughts be them past or present as being current reality. That is why it is of thee utmost importance that I am extremely careful what I allow into my mind, be it in thought or what I focus on via tell-a-vision (television), movies, or otherwise; the subconscious sees everything I focus on as reality. Because of that, when I focus on past issues and hurts, I experience them as it they are happening right now.
Well, Tuesday I was transported back to all of my past pains experienced over a major lack of financial resources over my divorce and getting ill and nearly dying. Then after that thought entered my consciousness, its cousin lack entered my mind, and caused me to focus on the lack of Love and intimacy I am experiencing in my life at this time, due to me being alone for almost five years now. I had a real good pity party going on over here. I consciously chose to focus on lack and even though that was not my reality; because of my choice and focus, it became my reality. Concerning me not being in a relationship, it is not that I wasn’t worthy of a relationship and Love; I just wasn’t ready for a relationship and Love. Nonetheless, I strongly believe that I am ready now, or so close I can taste it.
After going to sleep and waking up Wednesday morning, I decided that enough is enough. I felt really refreshed after taking a shower; then I fixed my morning power drink. After I finished using my Blendtec, I sat it in the sink to clean it and no water, what the heck. I called the water company and was informed that the water had been cut off because they had not received my payment. I have it paid through my bank and online it showed that it was paid. However, they had not even notified me that the water was going to be turned off and it was only a month. Right away I realized what was happening, I had drawn that energy to me when I started tapping into negative energy the day before. The office is about two minutes away from me, so I went over and paid it. I am grateful for the refresher course on focus and what it produces. I was not going to fail the test twice in two days. I was thankful that I was able to resolve the issue this morning, and not have to come home and find out the water was off and be without water all night and the next morning. Now when they receive the bank payment, I will not have to worry about paying next month.
I know some are asking; how does this have anything to do with Lot and his wife? I will explain that to you now. I will not go into the entire story of Lot and his wife, just enough to show you what I thought today. Lot, his wife and family were told to flee Sodom and Gomorra because it had become a very wicked place. Part of the instruction given was, flee for your lives, don’t look back, and don’t stop anywhere. However, as they were leaving the city, Lot’s wife turned and looked back, and in that instance she was turned into a pillar of salt. When I think of that I envision her as retaining her physical shape yet becoming hard like a stone, she became hard with no feeling or comprehension of reality, and just like to much salt on your food, very distasteful. I see the majority of the stories in the bible as allegory; not actual accounts of the lives of people that lived then. When I looked back on past experiences and related them to what was happening in my life now, I turned to a pillar of salt because all of the energy of the past converging within me and becoming my reality. I was frozen stiff in time, and had yielded to the negative energy that ruled past experiences, not a good place to be at all. That is one of many major lessons I have learned over the years. However, just as it is when we are in school; sometimes we are given surprise tests that are designed to keep us alert and reinforce that which we know.
Many times I tend to look back on my past experiences for different reasons. It is fine to look back on my past experiences if I am only doing so to review and reinforce the lessons learned from then. However, it is not appropriate to look back and rehash the old hurts, not even to point the finger at someone who did harm to me. There is never any room for blame, not blame for others or myself. I cannot blame another without piling more blame on myself; because no one can hurt me without me allowing it in some way. Some people say, God did this and that to me; why is God so cruel? GODDESS/GOD can only shower us with Loving Positive Creative Energy, anything else we experience in life is created by that which we do or do not do; it is not GODDESS/GOD. Some say if that is the case that is cruel also. We are here on this physical plane to learn, and we can only learn through experiences. I know that, but sometimes I loose track of that reality because I slip and start to see this physical realm as my true experience and it is not. My true reality is Spiritual in nature; I am only going through this physical plane to learn how to be a conscious creator. Who knows, the majority of what I see all around me may not be real at all; it could be staged as props to help me learn things that I otherwise would not be able to learn. That is why I keep reminding myself not to take everything so seriously. However, I will always take one thing very serious all the time, and that is Love.
I know that Love is of the utmost importance in my life, because I was consciously aware of Love as far back as when I was five years old. Thinking of that astonishes me to this very day. I remember talking to SPIRIT within my mind at five years of age about Love. That is one of two memories I have of my early life. The only other one was when I was two years old; I remember standing up in my crib and looking at my mom and dad sleeping. After my memory at five, there is a blank until I went to school. So, Love is the most important thing in my life. That is why I am always making mention of Unconditional Love. I was very fortunate to have the father that I had. My dad was full of Love, and he knew how to share it unconditionally with everyone. My dad was and still is my hero, role model, and best friend, even though he made transition thirty years ago; my dad was everything to me. I loved my mom also; however because she was so reserved with her Love she did not have the same impact on my life as my dad did. I now understand why my mom was distant, before she was a teenager she lost her mother and father my grandparents; she also lost her first husband before my sisters were teenagers. I truly believe that caused her to be fearful to Love as intensely as she wanted to, because she felt that she might loose those she loved too much. All of that happened for a reason, and in my case SPIRIT compensated and gave me my dad. I Love You Mom and Dad!
I may have looked back as Lot’s wife; however, I am no longer a pillar of salt. My focus has been redirected on the Now, and because of that I can now see the Light of Love that dwells all around me and also within me. I see that same Light of Love in all of my sisters and brothers of creation. The Whole of Creation is full of the Light and Love of GODDESS/GOD.
So if you ever notice that I have turned into a pillar of salt, please revive me with the Love that resides within your Spirit. Because we are one we must assist each other from time to time. No one can look back and stay a pillar of salt forever. The only question is this; how long will we remain a pillar of salt after we have looked back on our past pains? How quickly I learn the lessons of life, is up to me. If I am not diligent in staying focused, I could end up having to experience more physical incarnations than necessary. It is not that I do not like the School of Life; I just do not want to stay on this physical plane in school longer than I am supposed to.
Baba-Kundi Ma’at-Shambhala
January 25, 2012
(SpiritWalker)
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